I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
