i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
