Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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