I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
