I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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