someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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