somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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