if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Boobs speak an international language.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
