so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
