party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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