i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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