Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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