I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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