sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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