sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
