Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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