I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
