just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Houston, we have a blender
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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