mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
