Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
