I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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