her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
