How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
