Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
