party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
