hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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