It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
