i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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