Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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