Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
