the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
