I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
