brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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