sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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