Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
