he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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