Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
