dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
