it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You're like the curious george of whores
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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