This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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