Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
