I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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