Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
