I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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