I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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