is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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