i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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