I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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