I'm so fucking centered right now
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
