i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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