There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
And then he peed in my hair
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