I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
