my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
