y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
