I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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